Friday, August 27, 2010

Nintendo's Slippery Slope.

The most recent episode of Pokemon in Japan featured the mandatory kicking of Ash's ass in the Sinnoh Pokemon League. The trainer that beat him used a Latios and Darkrai that completely demolished the previous team.

Does anyone else see anything wrong with that?

If you said 'no,' you are too content with anything that Nintendo pulls out of its ass, a Legendary-obsessed ten-year-old, or both. Legendary humping is just as bad as dragon humping, and the two unfortunately tend to walk hand-in-hand (with even more Poke-furries closely in tow).

Legendary Pokemon usually embody things that would be too abstract to catch in any world except Pokemon. That includes every natural element, time and space, yin and yang, anti-matter, phases of the moon, human emotions, passages of time (although what PART of Lati@s is 'eon'-related confuses me), the land, sea, and sky, the beginning of life, Frankenstein's monster if it had been made from Pokemon and GOD ITSELF.

There are, I kid you not, debates concerning Mew and Arceus's divinity. They tend to parallel evolution VS creationism arguments.

Although Legendary Pokemon are catchable in-game, prior to this episode, they have been free. The only times that Legendaries have willingly battled for people are a Zapdos from way back when and Noland's Articuno from Gen III. In the anime, they can be manipulated and reasoned with, but never stuffed into a little ball. Teams Magma, Aqua and Galactic all failed to harness their powers and they were 'professionals,' or at least adults.

Then the newbie trainer has to handle them. Nice going, megalomaniacs!

Nintendo made sure that the Legendaries lived up to their hype. They were extremely powerful, very hard to catch and, essentially, 'boss monsters.' Starting from Gen III, however, Legendaries began getting churned out like processed cheese food. Bar the cover Legendaries and the obligatory trio, there were what? Two 'secret' Legendaries and two 'dragons?' Madness.

I don't care what you say, Nintendo. Even Latias's cuteness cannot convince me that she and her brother are dragons.

Mind, they are still good, strong Pokemon. Thing is, what happens when everybody has a super-powered Legendary? Nintendo has been making Legends and Legends ad nauseam. They are powerful, but not exactly special anymore. Some of them are not even that strong.

Like Regigigas. Even its ability says that it's a slow starter.

Using a Legendary in a huge tournament like the Pokemon League is roughly equivalent to a football team trading a player for the Terminator just in time for the Super Bowl. One Legendary Pokemon is, according to the anime, so completely capable of curbstomping opponents that such a comparison is accurate.

Quick, cut to a commercial!

One-sided fights are not fun. You can add robots and dragons until you're blue in the face, but dragons do not a fun fight make. As the anime demonstrated, Legendaries are extremely powerful; if you are going to use them, use them sparingly. I am not even getting into game tiers; COMMON ENTERTAINMENT SENSE should tell you that curbstomps suck. Legendaries should not be used in the anime for that reason alone.

Granted, Legendaries can be cool. I love the Beasts and Birds. Reshiram, the cover for the new Black version, is also sweet (in part because Kuro is VERY, VERY WEAK to anything with pteral claws). Hell, I even find Latias and Shaymin adorable. That does not mean that they should be forced to squish lower Pokemon into pancakes in one-sided fights. This is a terrible precedent to follow.

Note to the anime monkeys: Do not put Legendaries under a trainer's belt ever again. Also, please kill Ash.


  1. So in order to give a credible excuse for Ash to lose this tournament, they literally had to create a MARY SUE WITH TWO FUCKING LEGENDARIES to turn Ash into the tournament equivalent of the scrawny white collar criminal on his first day in prison?


    *wipes blood off of his forehead*

    Congratulations, Shogakukan. You have officially resorted to turning your main moneymaker series into a pathetically mishandled version of my fanfiction. I do hope you're proud of yourselves, and may George Lucas become your primary financier when your corporation comes crashing down.

    You know what the sad part is? A trainer using Legendaries, as a concept, is not all that terrible an idea. It's been used effectively before with Norman and several others, and it added actual tension to the episode. But to create something that some lameass dragonhumper would write about and use it in a nationally broadcast episode... F***, this is something Werechu or BEWK would do. Meowth in Boots looks like Citizen Kane compared to this!

    *ok, rant over, lol*

    The only comfort I take is that, in-canon, Takuto is probably one of THOSE trainers who ended up buying the Pokemon from Team Rocket and used them to sweep through the game in 3 hours, neglecting to actually train them and thus getting miserably gangr***d by the Elite 4. XDDDD

  2. I sure hope so. I'd LIKE to think that he was an illusion made by Darkrai or something...

  3. Actually, that'd be kind of awesome, have Darkrai using the illusion of Takuto to enter the Pokemon league and become the first trainerless Pokemon to actually win a Pokemon Tournament and prove that humans and Pokemon aren't as unequal as many people think.

    Also, LOL at the whole Mew vs Arceus thing. Is that actually true? XD

  4. Yeah, that'd be SWEET...and would actually set up a nice potential plot point for a movie.

    YES. I heard rumors about it, then Googled it. Way to keep your canon consistent, Nintendo.

  5. Another idea (to kind of explain how Takuto would be able to stay active if Darkrai was knocked out) would be to have Takuto's Darkrai being a Zoroark to keep people from thinking he himself was Darkrai, lol.

    It's Nintendo. They can't even keep the number of Pokemon or Gyms consistent, lol.